Should the Kids Stay with One Parent Longer?
Why, after years of helping people navigate co-parenting, do I encourage fewer visits? Because it’s better for everyone, you and the kids.
Hear me out. Traveling is stressful. Traveling between two parents who might not get along well is especially stressful for children. Rather than spending so much time traveling, I recommend fewer days traveling (I call it fewer transitions between homes) with longer visits.
Family Bonds
The goal of spending time at both homes is to foster those family bonds with both parents/families. During short stays there’s a tendency to fit in as much as possible. Constantly doing things exhausts and stresses kids. They need time to settle, and they need normal daily routines. Longer visits with more normal days than adventure days makes it feel like home instead of vacation.
Longer Visits Benefits
You know that co-parent who wants all of the fun and none of the work, the party parent? Longer visits help to push them into acting like a true parent, one who helps with homework, feeds them real meals, and solves sibling squabbles. Longer visits make it easier to establish routines like doing chores, sharing meals and games, and having a predictable bedtime. Routines that involve the children make them feel safe and give them a sense of belonging.
What about you? How do you benefit?
You get more time with your children or more time to rest while they are with the co-parent. Let’s say you split time 50/50 and it takes 30 minutes to travel between homes. If the kids alternate daily, then you lose 15 hours per month to travel time (½ an hour every day for 30 days). If you transfer the kids weekly, you lose a max of 2½ hours per month (½ an hour every week for 4–5 weeks). How much could you do with an extra 12½ hours of time with your kids or to rest?
Fewer transfers with longer visits mean less stress because there are fewer travel days, more time as a family, and more routine. This sets everyone up for a more stable, comfortable family environment at both homes.
Is it time to reevaluate your co-parenting arrangements? If you’re looking for an attorney in the Cleveland area, N.P. Weiss Law is here to help.
